What do you live for?

We rarely question ‘what do we live for?’ And most of us can’t find convincing answer. Straight away I will rule out the possibility of the answer ‘my essence of the life is my family’. Atleast for we guyz in unmarried 20s (as Shreya quotes in the movie Lets Enjoy), parents love is something like ‘we can’t live with it and we can’t live without it’ :P

The other 5 core passions which make us to lead life could be
1. Achievement in career
2. Money and Status
3. Live for you, Live for passion
4. Love and Friendship
5. Explore and Experience
Believe me folks, till now if you never thought what you are living for and if you just want to compete with others in terms of your qualification and routine job, better commit suicide. If you don’t compete, another jack ass is there to compete and over take. :P

1. I don’t know why world is so much behind the achievement and the career. I never get excited if something good happens in my professional career. One thing is true, every damn person struggles for betterment of career and you may go unnoticed after your arduous efforts as everybody dies to achieve.

2. Money and Status is something where I am stuck with. I don’t mind status but money matters a lot. I feel weird about Indians when it comes to money. As per my experience with many other nationalities, for most of them money is not meant for saving. Instead they see money as mode of comfort. They earn money to lead quality life. But we Indians earn money to save; we compromise quality of life for the sake of saving. I want to earn money just for 2 reasons:
- To spend money I need to earn money. I want to go wherever I dream, buy whatever I wish and do whatever I want.
- For the sake of fellow Indians – Whether we agree or not, we blindly judge any person based on money he/ she has. We have this attitude in our veins. This is the most depressing factor with Indians. Most of you say ‘no, no, no, I am not like this’…… But it is ‘yes, yes, yes, we are like this’……

3. Living for you is something awesome. If you have some passion, say art or music and if you can lead your life comfortably with that passion, that is something perfect. I envy people who earn money with passion as their investment. For eg: Musicians, artists etc. The biggest odd in my life is ‘I am engineer’. I can never stay happy till I work in some office sitting 8-9 hours per day and doing some crazy technical stuff :(

4. Love and Friendship – Keeping primary essence as ‘relationship’ and finding happiness in expressing - experiencing the closeness is awesome. How many of us really-really have best friend whom we trust without any second thought? How many of us can confidently say 'she is my perfect love and I trust her'? I bet 99% of us don’t have ‘friends/ love for life’. We show-off our life styles, we lie to maintain exaggerated status; we try to hide feelings for the sake of ego.

5. The last one is ‘exploring and experiencing’. May be we don’t have born passions or talents. But there are many worldly things which attract us, like – roaming countries, understanding various cultures, having very good hobbies. But most of us restrict ourselves thinking we may loose track in life and we may get screwed up in terms of time and money.

Whatever it is, life is not that serious. I feel my life is precious and in the same way, you feel your life is precious. But at the end of the day, none of us are special. Nobody really achieves anything great. We don’t know what life is after death, we don’t know what life was before birth. We don’t know what is good or what is bad.

Some ancestors set good – bad, right – wrong, meaningful - meaningless and we blindly follow the same. People say ‘praying god is good, scolding god is bad… saving money is good, wasting time is bad'… But as per me ‘being too serious in life is bad, turning off our passions for the sake of money is bad, hurting others with our attitude is bad’. Except these, everything else is good in this random-unidentified world’

Virtual - Reality

I wrote this short story long time back, may be 5-6 years back…. Writing 100 appealing blogs/ scripts is not a big deal as of today. But writing one page of something during that age was really tough !!!

New York, 17 years back:

Shelly arranged her brother - Philips’ birthday party and the whole bunch of friends gathered. During the party time, Harry teased Shelly: ’Aye drunkard daughter here…’ Within few moments the situation turned serious. Philips and Harry got involved into serious fight. At last Harry laid on the ground. One of spectator uttered ’I think he is dead, patrol will arrive here anytime. Philips shivered.

Shelly was frightened and asked her brother to run away from the place. Philips took the beautiful painting presented by Shelly and he fled away from home.Within few days his mother fell sick and within a short span she passed away. Father spent all his time drinking and one day he disappeared from the home. Shelly was put into an orphanage.

1 year back:

Shelly was a docile young lady with pleasant smile. Her charming eyes, chubby cheeks and her lofty swagger spell bounded the lads’ hearts.She had a boy friend by name Sam Stanford. He was handsome and was enamored towards Shelly. He felt, her company was a warmth memento for him. He was madly in love with her. They were in love with each other and at last got married.

Present day:

Sam exchanged a routine hug with Shelly and went office. Shelly murmured ’you are handsome’. She smiled at him and locked the door. She finished her mundane stuff. Since long time, she was curious to see the unused things kept at the top in her room. She started exploring her room………..

4.30 PM:

There was a attractive gunny bag present in mid of many unused items. Shelly took the gunny bag in her hand and uncovered it. Her eyes were curious to see what was there in it. A wonderful painting and a manila folder, she unfolded. It read:

‘Dear mom and Shelly, I am sorry. I made a huge mistake running away from home. After few months I returned back and no body was there. At last it was my destiny that Mr. Tenor Stanford adopted me as his son and I got reincarnation.

Shelly, this gift of yours is my life. Whenever I see this wonderful painting, I become unfathomable. My insurrection emotions injure my mind. It is hard to remember that particular evil day. So I am deciding not to see this anymore thro’ out my life. Sorry Shelly, I adore you’.

Yours lovingly

Philips

(Sam Stanford)

The golden sun suddenly turned into a fire ball and Shelly held it in her hands. The whole world appeared black and empty. She was put into the horns of dilemma. She moved against her beliefs. She searched for the asylum. It was incredulous. She couldn’t understand whether to accept her dear Sam as lovely husband or as sincere brother.

Her heart murmured: ’Sam is your dear. He can't be Philips’.

The mind whispered: ’You cannot keep the truth in your heart for your heart’.

The door bell rang - Tran Tran…….

She remained as don-Quixote. She had affection in her mind and love in her heart. She boosted her ego. Yeah......… she decided.......... She opened the door.

Sam: ’Hello darling’.

She was dumb. She decided to tell the fact. She stepped front and hugged him. She cried.

Sam: ’What happened?’

Shelly: ’Nothing dear, I just had a bad dream’.

My incompetent way of living :( :( :(

This write up looks funny or say nonsensical, but there are many serious thoughts hidden. Although thoughts are serious, we end up making 'fun of seriousness'. I will take a color print of this page, stick it to all the walls of my apartment including toilet. I will try to get inspired (rather feel humiliated) and will try to accomplish atleast 1 out of 1000 things I plan.

Yesterday I and Shiva went gym after long time. We took 2 long weeks to pull our ass to the doorsteps of gym. Neither of us had courage to step into the gym alone, as we were not ready to face surprise gestures and sarcastic smiles. This is our 6th season in span of 10 months, hehehe. Today Shiva came up with some new rule. If either of us bunk the gym we should pay 10 dhs (135 Rs) to the other. But his voice was shivering when he told the plan and I was afraid of loosing money quite often :D

Last time when we went gym - one Arabic guy greeted us 'oh you are back... Great'. The word 'Great' was really chagrining. Another Filipino guy grinned dimly which conveyed 'oh guys, I never seen you like jerks in my life'. Once a elderly man introduced me to his frend 'Hey this is Guru from Bangalore, He comes to the same gym where I go...'. With a small pause he continued '....but very rarely' and he laughed as if he never had fun since he is born..... Saala budda :(

Every evening before we leave office, either of us will go to other's work desk. We approach in lower tone 'so, do you want to goto gym today?'. The approacher's eyes will be filled with desire, curiosity and will be just craving to listen 'no' from the other.

I never accomplished anything in my life. I never think about appraisal because I am neither money-minded nor performance-oriented. I never eat Roti, Naan or Kulcha because it is difficult to chew. I don't work continuously for 1 hr anytime because I feel I am taking life too serious :( :( :( I can't think too much because my brains will start weighing heavy and I can't bare it. In the below link, read the comments in red box wrote by 'Landi' in the upper middle of the page :)
http://social.answers.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/vistahardware/thread/720108ee-0a9c-4090-b62d-bbd5cb1a7605

Sometimes I feel like committing suicide by hanging to a fan. But I may loose interest before I tie the rope. So if I really want to kill myself, then any of my friend should tie the rope and keep the chair beneath. Later I may stand on the chair and would say 'please hang the rope to my neck and tighten it up dude. I will be grateful to you'. Before he slaps me, I will add 'Dood, please push the chair aside once you tighten it. Or else I won't die' !!!

Anyways, maximize the image and choose a word you are best suited with. It has both -ve and +ve words which revolves around 'stupid'. Initially I thought I am 'jerk', but seeing my incompetent way of living, now I stand myself with the word 'crack brained'. And I vote Shiva with the word 'dopey' because he is slightly better than me and hence less intensified word than 'crack brained'.

Whatever I am, this game of tracking +ve and -ve counts stimulates me whenever I feel satisfied/ unsatisfied with my way of doing things.

Matured Piece of Shit - MPS

I don't have anything to write. But I don't want blog count to appear as '0' beside 'June' in left frame of the window, it should be atleast '1'. I know you are laughing @ me thinking I am immature. But have you ever thought what ‘maturity’ is?

Today I feel X as ‘reality’. After few days/ months I feel Y as ‘reality’. The difference between X and Y (X-Y), I term it as 'Maturity' and feel happy for a moment. Unfortunately some other person will show Z as ‘reality’. At that moment I will conclude that the time period X-Y was 'Immaturity' and I will start chasing Z. The cycle repeats!!! So what actually is maturity'? It is the 'Illusions of individual momentary perceptions' !!!

Now go back to the first 2 sentences of this blog and read those lines again. I am sure, now you are not laughing. You are thinking serious as if some meaning exists, but unfortunately, there is nothing as such, same bullshit.

Relax, I am just trying to convey something out of nothing but still it meant everything for me. I don't know what you understood. Don't throw stones @ me like a mad fellow if you are hassled.

With Love

Thanx to my chap - Manjesh who doled out idea of conveying meaningful message in one sentence. Concentrate on the tense of verbs, it will definitely convey the meaning intended.

She was neither most beautiful nor exceptionally best instead she knew how to express love and how to stand beside me every mo, though I was the reason for all fights we had due to my inability of expressing love she always compromised by heart, anyhow whatever my external gestures could be, our inner selves knew the fondness we had as we were madly in love with each other, she was the essence of my love who made me feel my existence and showed me how good I can be for someone and in short, life wouldn't be so beautiful without her because all she knew was to dream about 'us' and not about 'her' alone, however, destiny was jealous on our affection and showed it's envy in the form of fatal accident in which my aroha ended her life and I couldn’t come out of the scarred face I saw in the hospital, I loved her not for what she was but for what I was when I was with her but now she left me mercilessly on this damn earth and I am crying aimlessly again and again because nothing else I can do and moreover I am not the person who get excited if space ship lands on mars instead I get excited if my hearty friend tells he/ she is happy, all I want is my love and handful of beloved friends with whom I express – experience - enjoy the affection and I am very specific in these due to which I decided to kill myself and now when I am swallowing the poison, I am hearing a cute voice singing in familiar low tone and I am surprised – confused – scared when I understood that it is my better half's voice, I couldn’t believe that she is still alive and now she is kissing my forehead, holy shit, it was 6 in the morning and the dream drove my nuts crazy, besides I re-realized the importance of her, I kissed her passionately, hugged and begged her not to leave me alone anytime, she was anxious as I was bestowing intensified love and took me on her lap and asked me to take a nap after which the non-stop ring from my friend woke me up, nonetheless, this time nobody was around, I realized that I don’t have any girl in my life yet and I tried to smile but I couldn’t, the weird dream-inside-dream haunted me and finally I was left with a question: we always forget ‘today’ in the attempt of catching ‘tomorrow’ but what if ‘tomorrow never comes’ in the way we wish?, we do not express our feelings with the loved ones just to show ourselves unaffected but there is a beautiful life beyond this unaffected way of living where we can express affection and experience the same ahhhh at last I grinned at myself when I saw me in the mirror with tooth brush in my mouth, ufffff few dreams should never turn true and this particular one should never – ever turn true.

Bachelor desires – Wanna toss a tail

'Sex on the beach is like cocktail, you MORON...' My thoughts gave a pause when I read these words on my friend's blog. A female software Engineer in Aditi Technologies - Bangalore hollered him as 'moron' while expressing her previous day's memories on beach. This is really indigestible for guys, that too when heard from a girl.

After reading that blog, I understood my coevals are much ahead than me. I am the jack-a** lagging behind in enjoyment sector of life. To make myself available in this category I should really do some ‘real partying’. Now-a-days every party has a numb reason. It could be any of my friends’ salary hike or some job shift or some sister's marriage or some lame happiness.

But now I/ we found one e-special reason to fete ON THE ROCKS I.e., 'BACHELORs PARTY'. We 3 NRIs and 1 Indian are planning to do some MAGIC and RRRrrrRRRock on Thailand - The paradise for bachelors.

Shiva (NRI) – Already geared up with a girl – oops sorry 'the girl'.
Singvi (NRI) – just hair-line distance behind Shiva and is under rigorous hunt.
Guru (NRI) - I am still newbie in the process {Again fresher :( }
Prashant (Indian) – still 'child' in these stuff or say still unripened :P

Trip Details:
1. Trip Date: April 22nd till 26th.

2. Destination: Thailand – Pattaya, Phuket, Bangkok

3. Meet-Up Plan: Ex-Indians fly from Abu Dhabi to Bangkok. Mr.Indian will fly from Bangalore to Bangkok.
4. Trip Slogan: 'Experience Hot, if not atleast Warmth' – Heuristic approach

5. Trip Dedicated to: All our ex-girlfriends, ex-ex-girlfriends, ex-ex-ex girlfriends if any, girls who rejected our proposals and for the girls whom we rejected lavishly.
6. Desire Genera (Type): 'Hombres Luxuria' (Bachelors desires)

7. Best planners in team: Singvi and Shiva. Sense or non-sense – at least they initiate some plans.
8. Waste Fellas in team: Me and Prashant. We don't invest our brains on planning. Moreover we are not sure if we have brains to invest!!

9. Inspired by: *Ted Mosby's Bachelor party* episode, How I met your mother series, Season 3. ****LEGANDARY**** I don't know who will manifest as Barney Stinson among us.
10. Trip plans: W%$* T%# F^&@

11. Deliverables @ the end of trip: Photos and Videos of hot chiks & of even hens & grand-hen, we never mind!!

Affidavit:
The god of desires,
Balzeebub (Master of Hell) inside us is dead.

We the stupid 4 Bachelors - basically from India, hardly enjoyed our lives compared to any average American or Briton. Through out our lives whenever we tossed 1 Rupee coin, all the time we ended up seeing 'Heads'. We never experienced 'Tails' till now. Hope you understand our condition :( :( :(

But now, due to our age constraint (as per rituals department called 'parents') we are on the edge of jumping into relationship called commitment (or say marriage, 'why shy?') before which we really want to toss 'Tails' once. This is our 'Now or Never' mission. Please forgive all our WTF pranks we committed and give us a chance to realize our desires.

Last plea, till the moment we enter Thailand, please please please don't make us to interact with any damn girl in this universe and don't make us to intake those words '........., you MORON'. Thanx in advance.

HAPPY BACHELORS PARTY. CHEERS !!!

Regards,
4 Hombres

-Wanna drive the nuts crazy-

Red Letter Day - 10th March 2009

The day started normal and in a way it ended usual. Moreover, it was a working day (Tuesday). Still the day gave me what we call 'break' and made me to see life thro' different angle.
During lunch time, I went out with a colleague - Dicky Anshari from indonesia. I started pulling his legs,

'I will rush to your house now'

He laughed, 'even if I invite, you will not come to the place where I am going'

I asked 'You are going to grave yard or what?'

He smiled and said 'I am going to MOSQUE for prayer, do you want to join?'.

That moment I realized, it was my craving that I wanted to step inside mosque but couldn't make it anytime. Reason might be, probably I did not have enough courage to enter mosque Or might be I was stereotypic in terms of family/ religion - whatever. But I did not want to miss this chance. I replied 'I don't mind joining you'.

He was really surprised. On the way several times he told 'Your god.... our god... their god...' etc etc. Inside mosque, the preacher was preaching Quran in Arabic. Few people were doing namaz and others sat in some common posture and were listening (or just hearing hehehe) to the preachings. It was good experience. Within no-time, my past overrode my presence.

------------------------------------ Sliding to past -------------------------------------

'who is MY GOD'?

I tried recollecting the exact day when I heartfully remembered 'temple' or 'GOD'. The date backslided to standard 12th. I was little adhered to this god, customs etc etc as I was in Sai Baba's residential school. We used to pray god before every meal/ cup of milk. Bajans, Learning Vedas, Fasting, Yogasana etc were part of my life. I am not very sure if I really trusted god but atleast I pretended well-enough in front of wardens/ parents. But once out of the school, I never - ever turned back. 'Bhagwan' hardly came during some discussions here and there in my life.

--------------------------------- I came out of my thoughts --------------------------

Later in the evening, I attended a Birth Day party of the kid 'Charu' who stays near my apartment. My apartment owner looked bit disappointed during party. In due course of time he told 'Guru ... ... We are not able to have one child since 8.5 years of our marriage... I spent around 8-9 lac Rs on treatment ... every test says NO PROBLEM but still...' He told hell lot of things. Initially I thought 'why is he loading my brains with his stories'. But I realized that I was wrong when his wife figured out his sadness and told in Malyalam 'Chatta, why are seeming guppppp, Everybody can't get everything in life.....' She gave a smile and left. Definitely the smile had hidden pain.

After a while, I called my friend in Delhi - Ratan to wish him for his B'day. I came to know that he couldn't clear his IAS main exam. Since 2.5 years, just to clear this exam he did not join any job - went Delhi – joined coaching – prepared a lot – cleared his screening in 1st attempt – but couldn't make out with mains. I know, the day he clears IAS all these pain will become memories. But still hard way to go right?
I compared my last one year with his one. Mine was thrilling with staying in 3 different countries, no worries, enjoying life etc etc. I felt, the year went too fast with lot of engrossing changes for me but the same year was literally slow/ lame for somebody else at some part of the world.................

hmmmmm now the point is 'what special in this'? Each of us get 100 thoughts everyday....... I know......., but this is special for me coz I couldn't come out of my thoughts even after 1-2 days. I felt like preserving this 'mode of thinking' I experienced. I could hardly remember 8-10 similar days in my entire life. And I am sure the count can be max 25 0r 30 by the time I die (with the assumption that I live for 65 years).

As the last bit, Check this: http://www.oddee.com/item_96597.aspxAll I felt is 'Life cannot be thrilling all the time. We are really lucky compared to these uncanny hard-knocks in this fucking Weird World'