Only for u...

I am thinking of you since the moment I remembered you…

But slowly I realized that it’s not about ‘you’, but ‘me’… 

I felt my thoughts, my breathe and the heart beat…

Now I wish to find out if it’s really ‘me’ or ‘you’…

 

The words are at my lips, but I want to be silent now…

The silence which will touch my self and brings you near…

A soothing smile appeared as I can’t speak…

The smile I found with you, the one we found together…


With this tranquil smile I realized it is ‘us’…

Neither ‘me’ nor ‘you’ are special…

As neither the earth nor the sky is special…

But the far thin line where the sky meets earth is the charm…


Though this silver line never exist in reality,

The dreams and the vision which drew them together is enough…

Enough for this life to believe in ‘us’, enough for this love to flourish in ‘us’…

Because life is VOID without the beliefs we dream and the love we feel…

God With Beer

It was a dizzy night with full on beer in the belly. With the warm depart called ‘bye’, I got into car with trembling hands. With ignition on, I moved towards my home. A sudden jerk to a dog got me normal. The dog whined with wounded leg and ran away. I took a deep breath, had one more pint and reached home.

At the mid nite I was in deep sleep and a noise roared like a devil’s pet. Somebody came in and asked me to join him. With half head beer, I walked with him. After a while he started ‘Tell me Lex, how you managed to get so very drunk last nite’. I replied ‘well, I got into severely bad company after winning a beer at a raffle’. The guy replied ‘But you were with Ron & Jim and both do not drink’. ‘Exactly dude, dat’s what I mean’. The guy was graveled. After a long pause he told ‘We are on the way to hell and you will be scrutinized for all the mishaps you did including today’s. You are no more on this earth’.

In no time, I was out of the hang-over. I tried convincing him ‘Dude, it’s not fair. Couple of mishaps and I quit? How could you do this to me?’. The guy replied, ‘Everything is written, check with god when you meet him’.

It was an awesome setup with red dim lights and devil’s music. The guard offered me a welcome drink and I denied saying ‘No thanks’. I opened a kingfisher can and had a sip. The Godd was seated on his lazy-boy chair. As soon as I saw him, without letting him speak I started, ‘Godd When I drink, I get drunk. When I get drunk, I fall asleep. When I fell asleep, I commit no sin, then why hell? How could you do this to me? And why so hurry?’.

Godd was pissed off. With anger he stared at me and started investigation. ‘Today you hit the dog and broke its’ legs. Were you drunk while driving?’. I explained ‘Well, so I have, Godd, this weekend, you know, me and ma lads, we made a stop by the pub, I had only four or five pints ah... that's all. But then they offered "Happy Hour" during which they served delicious draughts. I had four more...pardon me, five. Then I met Ron & Jim and we played a raffle game, won a beer but both do not drink and its’ not my fault. Who else was left? It was me and I had it’. The Godd gave a deep sigh saying, 'open your mouth to take a breathalyser, I have to note reading'. Indignantly I replied, 'Why, don't you believe me?'.

Suddenly another spy dragged a dog to the courtyard along with sin report. That was Da Dog. I yelled ‘you came across my car’. Looking at its report, the Godd was furious ‘what a mess, even you were drunk!!’. The dog barked apologetically ‘Majesty, my owner dumped the left over party bags. I was hungry and could find chicken toast. Then I was thirsty and I could find a Budweiser. And you know, I had only two’.

I screamed ‘Because of you, I am here. If you were not drunk, you wouldn’t have come across my car, the godd wouldn’t have short listed me and I wouldn’t have been here’. I pleaded ‘Godd, please think about it. I need justice’.

The dog barked ‘After having one beer, I searched for statutory warning on beer can. I couldn’t find any. Between, my brain cells were desperate to have a little more. I can’t take the blame completely. Moreover, if you weren’t drunk, you would have stopped your car as soon as I came across. My leg is hurt and even I am dead...’

The argument continued. The godd, the goddess, the spies, the culprits, the spectators everybody focused on the scene. After a long argument, the godd interrupted. ‘Lex, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Lex yelled ‘No’. Godd turned towards dog and threw the same question. ‘Dog, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Dog barked politely ‘No ways’. 


Godd calmly said, ‘I was drunk when I shortlisted you both and informed the spies. Forget it anyways. Even I do not agree that my fault got you guys here’. He closed the session saying ‘You no fault... Me no fault... So no fault... Cheers...’

End of Journey

Bangalore & India, these names are driving me nuts. I never knew I am so weak. It was in 2008 when I was craving to get rid of India, may be in search of sophistication. I always felt life is incomplete in Bangalore. Struggle in traffic, struggle with relations, struggle for money, always STRUGGLE.

The desire to turn rich at young age made me love this new place. Money, acquaintances kept me occupied. Unfortunately, it was just a flash and not the light for life. Work and earnings gave peace of mind but loneliness overruled this in no time. Pissing on roadsides and crossing the roads without waiting for Green turned more valuable than sophistication. Is this an example for ‘grass on other side of greenery always appear green’ :P

Arguments with family, hang outs & misunderstandings with friends, fights with customer care executives etc were small things then. But never knew I am addicted to these.

Its neat & clean here. I stopped fighting because nothing is wrong here. I stopped panicking because nothing is there to worry here. I stopped missing somebody because nobody is mine and whomever I prefer to be mine are too far to miss! I can’t take this deadpan attitude anymore. Being unaffected is the worstest way of living!

A few people will know the value of their belongings before loosing them. But I realized the value of Bangalore only after I lost it. With 1000s of confusions behind, finally I am relocating to Bangalore and I never want to move out of Bangalore again :) I am not stating this with apprehension, but with repose. May be I won’t meet friends everyday, but still the surrounding is mine. May be I will struggle with lack of sophistication (let it be power cut or terrific traffic), but this is better than living dead.

Guyz, this is for the people who are cruising in the same ship as mine. Identify what you want and how you want. If you get ‘what you want’ in any other way than ‘how you want’, you will never enjoy what you got, no charm ah.

Not realizing the value of our land when we stay there is fair enough. Trying to find the charm outside India is also fair. Forgetting India if you can find the happiness outside is also not wrong. But missing your place desperately and still withholding your desires for extra bucks is not at all worth. For the people who are in this group, my small advice is ‘please stop fooling yourselves, its fake’.

For people who never wanted to stay outside India, you are the best, don’t even think about it. For people who are dying for opportunity but never got chance to explore, relax madi. May be India is not great, but rest of the countries also aren’t. All you will realize is, ‘I gained something but I lost something else’. And the biggest thing you loose is ‘yourness’.

Sand Castle

It was a lazy stroll on the beach-shore,

Perturbing waves rolled with a roar.

As the joy spread across my heart,

A disturbing cry tore away the joy apart.

The roaring waves swept away the beautiful sand castle,

Tears poured down the pale cheeks of a kid with riffle.

The sand, the castle and the cry took me back with clock,

Tears rolled down with pain in my heart with a jiffy block.

With the tide wet sand in my tiny hands, I built a beautiful castle,

Happiness spread and the smiles shined with the crystal sparkle.

With lots of hopes, I slept that night with the endless dreams,

In the rosy dawn, my feet dragged me to castle as sunshine gleams.

The sand was barren and I felt a tempest storm,

With deep pain in the heart I asked my mom.

‘Why did they take my castle, when the world is full of sand?’,

She whispered ‘Somebody took it to build a beautiful home’’.

As years passed, lively world turned slightly pale,

Melodies of the emotions seemed to be fairy tale.

Sorrows didn’t depress and happiness couldn’t excite,

As days turned lame, I decided to act in spite.

‘All iz well’, my ego engraved, ‘But I ain’t’ my heart grumbled.

Ego was torn and smiles were crashed, Same I felt when my castle was destroyed.

In the endless sea, my heart craved for a boon,

A gentle smile appeared like a moon.

Gentle talks & warmth meets nourished ‘My Life’,

Promise laid the base and dreams built the home, its ‘Our Life’.

A cozy place is available in my tiny home, so in my little heart,

I wish you decorate it with colorful dreams with a playful art.

‘The sand castle was never destroyed’, my mom’s words echoed,

‘Somebody took it to build a beautiful home with smiles’, my heart whispered.

The gentle touch of the disheartened kid dragged me to present,

“Your castle is not destroyed”, I whispered at the kid with pleasant.

“Waves took it to build a beautiful palace under the sea,

As I saw the castle just now, one fine day you will also see”.

I got the smile I missed and I got the castle I lost,

I named the castle with love and I wish the dreams frost,

I wish the words on this paper,

Spread the love across forever.

A perpetual hug with a panic silence

I am not sure if I should like the movie – Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai Diaries). Probably this movie is perfect and I don’t like perfection. Whatever it is, this is not a movie review. It is something else, so hang on.

An easy life - full of freedom – lot many chances to commit mistakes – repeat mistakes – enough space to learn - observe trivial stuff - kill time - don’t live for society – but society recognizes… What else you want?

Aamir Khan was a common actor. Like any other actor, he targeted audience with stereotypic loves-lusts-fights stories. But at some point of time, he stopped soothing society. Alternatively, he showed a new dimension towards art-but-no-art movies, or say rare-breed movies. If he did not compromise with those stereotype movies, he wouldn’t have succeeded and never got chance to make countertype movies. People may not have accepted both - movies and Aamir Khan.

Equally reputed actors don’t have this dissolution towards commercial movies. They are not ready to experiment. It needs guts and Aamir Khan has it. ‘Success is relative; it’s just a state of mind’. Success is not something society awards to individual. Instead success is something individual makes society to accept their actions.

Most of the people earn money for the sake of society. They get into loop of competition/ comparison and stay there forever. Handful of folks earns money to keep it as base for their passions. Being ignorant towards money and society is not easy, people are lame ahh…

‘Going deep takes us to VOID’. At the end we may not be sure, was it really worth to go that deep. Whatever we professed may be totally in vain and same with life. It is so simple and straight-forward, but still nobody takes life for granted.

Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai diaries) made me think philosophical. Arun is idiosyncratic character. Shai always feels from heart. Munna is innocent and never tried understanding world. Yasmin is one among commoners who are victims in general. Innocence is portrayed in each of these characters.

But none of these characters are my favorite. I liked the 5th character at most, ‘Mumbai’ personified as old-idle-lady sitting on the chair thro’ out the movie. May be you won’t accept this personification, but it doesn’t matter to me. She is awesome, just an observer, never involves in anything. People ooze their sorrows, plead, threaten, cry, laugh, scream and stir their emotions with the character. Fortunately “the character never responds and never reacts, but always accommodates”.

Workaholic as a saving spree

Cubicle Coma – It’s an urban dictionary word. It means ‘you wake up and stay energized but as soon as you enter the work place, a wave of exhaustion runs over you and you suffer from weariness. Amazingly, once you leave the hellish work atmosphere, you suddenly feel energized and you will be back to comfort posture.’

During our college days, we said ‘I can’t imagine of going to office every day. Life sucks if I see myself as professional’. When we joined software industry, the common talk was ‘I don’t want to continue with this industry. I will do MS or MBA abroad and will quit’.

After one year in software industry, we convinced ourselves, ‘Work is part of life. Nobody can avoid it’. However, when our managers got frustrated during some software breakdowns, few of us yelled back ‘relax, you can’t scream at me if this bloody software doesn’t work, who cares?’. But after 4-5 years in the industry, today we feel ‘I need to go up in career and designations’.

Somehow, till now I am managing my days by not giving priority to office-work. But few times I loose control and I make profit to the company :P. Now-a-days I started feeling, ‘this work-life is never-ending as well as pain-stacking’. Cubicle coma haunts me many-a-times. Cubicle coma throws me into depression if I sit continuously for 2-3 hours in my work station. It is an endemic disease confined to computer engineers. It is an epidemic disease spreading maliciously ghosting the brains.

Really, why do we work? Topmost reason is money. We earn money to save. By default, we are Saving Sprees (meaning, Individuals determined to live according to a carefully planned out budget that would minimize spending to increase on savings).

Deep in my heart, this is what I feel. I want money. I am here to do anything for money. Motive is not to save all the moolah. Rather, spend it and experience the elite fun of the up-class society. I don’t mind respect-disrespect, good-ungood, future-unfutured ways of earning money. All izz well till I am filthy rich and exchange the moolah for entertainment.

However in reality, brain’s thinking is stronger than heart’s feeling. Though I spend a part of earnings, I save the rest. To an extent, I am concerned about future as well. I don’t have to be, but I am. Will I ever come out of this trauma of savings?

One extreme is work – I hate it, I get depressed if I work long. But if I don’t work, I won’t get money. Another extreme is savings – I do it because everybody else does it. If I spend and others save and later if I realize my spending as a mistake, where do I stand?

I thought a lot about influence of work-money on my life and remolded my way of living. This is what I am since last few years. I am neither workaholic nor lazy bum. But definitely I suffer from cubicle coma all-the-time. I am neither spend-thrift nor saving spree. But mostly inclined towards spend thrift’s edge. Now the question is, is there any perfect urban word for me like individuals?

Whatever the word is… prone to cubicle coma is disgraceful. Being workaholic is something awkward. Being saving spree is sick. And being both workaholic and saving spree is something awkwardicilious and sickadocious, better die.

It is awesome if we are able to come out of cubicle coma haunt and say ourselves that, “I am neither workaholic nor saving spree. However, I work to survive and to be fit in the industry. I save a part of earnings so that I won’t repent later for lavish spending. At the same time, I have funtainment at work and experiment eclectic luxuries at the cost of money”. How to implement this level of satisfactory life style? Answer is, GURUit. Check out the explanation at http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=GURUit

God, “I don’t want to work in vain,
And I don’t want to save with pain,
Give me some sunshine, give me some rain,
Give me another chance, wanna chillax once again”.

Walking Together

The day we met, never knew how fate could destine us,

I just thought you can be a good friend…

...As days passed,Though I realized its lot more than friendship,

I assumed there is nothing much…

...Dreaming of walking together, I always feared the path I have to walk,

Though I always wanted to be with you…

...As life moved on, I met new people and felt life is lot more than you,

May be I didn’t know ‘my life lies in you’…

...In mid of accomplishing dreams, I thought I need to stay alone,

I didn’t understood being with you is my only dream…

...While building the relationships, I learnt that I moved too far, really far,

And I realized I hurt you many-a-times…

...From the past-2-present, for all Ups-n-Downs or say, for all Goods-n-Bads,

I just wish to whisper ‘Forgive-n-Forget’ all the ‘Downs-n-Bads’…

...NOW, as the days sail, When the dreams are turning true,

I want to spirit the desire on you which lies beneath-the-bosom…

...NOW to FOREVER, I just want to be in your arms,

I want to love and want to be loved…

...Dreaming of walking together, I crave to walk with your rhythm,

I crave to step as you sing…

...The day you leave me alone in this world, My dreams die, My hopes vanish,

Rather I die, Or we shall walk together all the way…

- Guru