God With Beer

It was a dizzy night with full on beer in the belly. With the warm depart called ‘bye’, I got into car with trembling hands. With ignition on, I moved towards my home. A sudden jerk to a dog got me normal. The dog whined with wounded leg and ran away. I took a deep breath, had one more pint and reached home.

At the mid nite I was in deep sleep and a noise roared like a devil’s pet. Somebody came in and asked me to join him. With half head beer, I walked with him. After a while he started ‘Tell me Lex, how you managed to get so very drunk last nite’. I replied ‘well, I got into severely bad company after winning a beer at a raffle’. The guy replied ‘But you were with Ron & Jim and both do not drink’. ‘Exactly dude, dat’s what I mean’. The guy was graveled. After a long pause he told ‘We are on the way to hell and you will be scrutinized for all the mishaps you did including today’s. You are no more on this earth’.

In no time, I was out of the hang-over. I tried convincing him ‘Dude, it’s not fair. Couple of mishaps and I quit? How could you do this to me?’. The guy replied, ‘Everything is written, check with god when you meet him’.

It was an awesome setup with red dim lights and devil’s music. The guard offered me a welcome drink and I denied saying ‘No thanks’. I opened a kingfisher can and had a sip. The Godd was seated on his lazy-boy chair. As soon as I saw him, without letting him speak I started, ‘Godd When I drink, I get drunk. When I get drunk, I fall asleep. When I fell asleep, I commit no sin, then why hell? How could you do this to me? And why so hurry?’.

Godd was pissed off. With anger he stared at me and started investigation. ‘Today you hit the dog and broke its’ legs. Were you drunk while driving?’. I explained ‘Well, so I have, Godd, this weekend, you know, me and ma lads, we made a stop by the pub, I had only four or five pints ah... that's all. But then they offered "Happy Hour" during which they served delicious draughts. I had four more...pardon me, five. Then I met Ron & Jim and we played a raffle game, won a beer but both do not drink and its’ not my fault. Who else was left? It was me and I had it’. The Godd gave a deep sigh saying, 'open your mouth to take a breathalyser, I have to note reading'. Indignantly I replied, 'Why, don't you believe me?'.

Suddenly another spy dragged a dog to the courtyard along with sin report. That was Da Dog. I yelled ‘you came across my car’. Looking at its report, the Godd was furious ‘what a mess, even you were drunk!!’. The dog barked apologetically ‘Majesty, my owner dumped the left over party bags. I was hungry and could find chicken toast. Then I was thirsty and I could find a Budweiser. And you know, I had only two’.

I screamed ‘Because of you, I am here. If you were not drunk, you wouldn’t have come across my car, the godd wouldn’t have short listed me and I wouldn’t have been here’. I pleaded ‘Godd, please think about it. I need justice’.

The dog barked ‘After having one beer, I searched for statutory warning on beer can. I couldn’t find any. Between, my brain cells were desperate to have a little more. I can’t take the blame completely. Moreover, if you weren’t drunk, you would have stopped your car as soon as I came across. My leg is hurt and even I am dead...’

The argument continued. The godd, the goddess, the spies, the culprits, the spectators everybody focused on the scene. After a long argument, the godd interrupted. ‘Lex, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Lex yelled ‘No’. Godd turned towards dog and threw the same question. ‘Dog, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Dog barked politely ‘No ways’. 


Godd calmly said, ‘I was drunk when I shortlisted you both and informed the spies. Forget it anyways. Even I do not agree that my fault got you guys here’. He closed the session saying ‘You no fault... Me no fault... So no fault... Cheers...’