Only for u...

I am thinking of you since the moment I remembered you…

But slowly I realized that it’s not about ‘you’, but ‘me’… 

I felt my thoughts, my breathe and the heart beat…

Now I wish to find out if it’s really ‘me’ or ‘you’…

 

The words are at my lips, but I want to be silent now…

The silence which will touch my self and brings you near…

A soothing smile appeared as I can’t speak…

The smile I found with you, the one we found together…


With this tranquil smile I realized it is ‘us’…

Neither ‘me’ nor ‘you’ are special…

As neither the earth nor the sky is special…

But the far thin line where the sky meets earth is the charm…


Though this silver line never exist in reality,

The dreams and the vision which drew them together is enough…

Enough for this life to believe in ‘us’, enough for this love to flourish in ‘us’…

Because life is VOID without the beliefs we dream and the love we feel…

God With Beer

It was a dizzy night with full on beer in the belly. With the warm depart called ‘bye’, I got into car with trembling hands. With ignition on, I moved towards my home. A sudden jerk to a dog got me normal. The dog whined with wounded leg and ran away. I took a deep breath, had one more pint and reached home.

At the mid nite I was in deep sleep and a noise roared like a devil’s pet. Somebody came in and asked me to join him. With half head beer, I walked with him. After a while he started ‘Tell me Lex, how you managed to get so very drunk last nite’. I replied ‘well, I got into severely bad company after winning a beer at a raffle’. The guy replied ‘But you were with Ron & Jim and both do not drink’. ‘Exactly dude, dat’s what I mean’. The guy was graveled. After a long pause he told ‘We are on the way to hell and you will be scrutinized for all the mishaps you did including today’s. You are no more on this earth’.

In no time, I was out of the hang-over. I tried convincing him ‘Dude, it’s not fair. Couple of mishaps and I quit? How could you do this to me?’. The guy replied, ‘Everything is written, check with god when you meet him’.

It was an awesome setup with red dim lights and devil’s music. The guard offered me a welcome drink and I denied saying ‘No thanks’. I opened a kingfisher can and had a sip. The Godd was seated on his lazy-boy chair. As soon as I saw him, without letting him speak I started, ‘Godd When I drink, I get drunk. When I get drunk, I fall asleep. When I fell asleep, I commit no sin, then why hell? How could you do this to me? And why so hurry?’.

Godd was pissed off. With anger he stared at me and started investigation. ‘Today you hit the dog and broke its’ legs. Were you drunk while driving?’. I explained ‘Well, so I have, Godd, this weekend, you know, me and ma lads, we made a stop by the pub, I had only four or five pints ah... that's all. But then they offered "Happy Hour" during which they served delicious draughts. I had four more...pardon me, five. Then I met Ron & Jim and we played a raffle game, won a beer but both do not drink and its’ not my fault. Who else was left? It was me and I had it’. The Godd gave a deep sigh saying, 'open your mouth to take a breathalyser, I have to note reading'. Indignantly I replied, 'Why, don't you believe me?'.

Suddenly another spy dragged a dog to the courtyard along with sin report. That was Da Dog. I yelled ‘you came across my car’. Looking at its report, the Godd was furious ‘what a mess, even you were drunk!!’. The dog barked apologetically ‘Majesty, my owner dumped the left over party bags. I was hungry and could find chicken toast. Then I was thirsty and I could find a Budweiser. And you know, I had only two’.

I screamed ‘Because of you, I am here. If you were not drunk, you wouldn’t have come across my car, the godd wouldn’t have short listed me and I wouldn’t have been here’. I pleaded ‘Godd, please think about it. I need justice’.

The dog barked ‘After having one beer, I searched for statutory warning on beer can. I couldn’t find any. Between, my brain cells were desperate to have a little more. I can’t take the blame completely. Moreover, if you weren’t drunk, you would have stopped your car as soon as I came across. My leg is hurt and even I am dead...’

The argument continued. The godd, the goddess, the spies, the culprits, the spectators everybody focused on the scene. After a long argument, the godd interrupted. ‘Lex, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Lex yelled ‘No’. Godd turned towards dog and threw the same question. ‘Dog, do you agree that your fault got you here?’. Dog barked politely ‘No ways’. 


Godd calmly said, ‘I was drunk when I shortlisted you both and informed the spies. Forget it anyways. Even I do not agree that my fault got you guys here’. He closed the session saying ‘You no fault... Me no fault... So no fault... Cheers...’

End of Journey

Bangalore & India, these names are driving me nuts. I never knew I am so weak. It was in 2008 when I was craving to get rid of India, may be in search of sophistication. I always felt life is incomplete in Bangalore. Struggle in traffic, struggle with relations, struggle for money, always STRUGGLE.

The desire to turn rich at young age made me love this new place. Money, acquaintances kept me occupied. Unfortunately, it was just a flash and not the light for life. Work and earnings gave peace of mind but loneliness overruled this in no time. Pissing on roadsides and crossing the roads without waiting for Green turned more valuable than sophistication. Is this an example for ‘grass on other side of greenery always appear green’ :P

Arguments with family, hang outs & misunderstandings with friends, fights with customer care executives etc were small things then. But never knew I am addicted to these.

Its neat & clean here. I stopped fighting because nothing is wrong here. I stopped panicking because nothing is there to worry here. I stopped missing somebody because nobody is mine and whomever I prefer to be mine are too far to miss! I can’t take this deadpan attitude anymore. Being unaffected is the worstest way of living!

A few people will know the value of their belongings before loosing them. But I realized the value of Bangalore only after I lost it. With 1000s of confusions behind, finally I am relocating to Bangalore and I never want to move out of Bangalore again :) I am not stating this with apprehension, but with repose. May be I won’t meet friends everyday, but still the surrounding is mine. May be I will struggle with lack of sophistication (let it be power cut or terrific traffic), but this is better than living dead.

Guyz, this is for the people who are cruising in the same ship as mine. Identify what you want and how you want. If you get ‘what you want’ in any other way than ‘how you want’, you will never enjoy what you got, no charm ah.

Not realizing the value of our land when we stay there is fair enough. Trying to find the charm outside India is also fair. Forgetting India if you can find the happiness outside is also not wrong. But missing your place desperately and still withholding your desires for extra bucks is not at all worth. For the people who are in this group, my small advice is ‘please stop fooling yourselves, its fake’.

For people who never wanted to stay outside India, you are the best, don’t even think about it. For people who are dying for opportunity but never got chance to explore, relax madi. May be India is not great, but rest of the countries also aren’t. All you will realize is, ‘I gained something but I lost something else’. And the biggest thing you loose is ‘yourness’.

Sand Castle

It was a lazy stroll on the beach-shore,

Perturbing waves rolled with a roar.

As the joy spread across my heart,

A disturbing cry tore away the joy apart.

The roaring waves swept away the beautiful sand castle,

Tears poured down the pale cheeks of a kid with riffle.

The sand, the castle and the cry took me back with clock,

Tears rolled down with pain in my heart with a jiffy block.

With the tide wet sand in my tiny hands, I built a beautiful castle,

Happiness spread and the smiles shined with the crystal sparkle.

With lots of hopes, I slept that night with the endless dreams,

In the rosy dawn, my feet dragged me to castle as sunshine gleams.

The sand was barren and I felt a tempest storm,

With deep pain in the heart I asked my mom.

‘Why did they take my castle, when the world is full of sand?’,

She whispered ‘Somebody took it to build a beautiful home’’.

As years passed, lively world turned slightly pale,

Melodies of the emotions seemed to be fairy tale.

Sorrows didn’t depress and happiness couldn’t excite,

As days turned lame, I decided to act in spite.

‘All iz well’, my ego engraved, ‘But I ain’t’ my heart grumbled.

Ego was torn and smiles were crashed, Same I felt when my castle was destroyed.

In the endless sea, my heart craved for a boon,

A gentle smile appeared like a moon.

Gentle talks & warmth meets nourished ‘My Life’,

Promise laid the base and dreams built the home, its ‘Our Life’.

A cozy place is available in my tiny home, so in my little heart,

I wish you decorate it with colorful dreams with a playful art.

‘The sand castle was never destroyed’, my mom’s words echoed,

‘Somebody took it to build a beautiful home with smiles’, my heart whispered.

The gentle touch of the disheartened kid dragged me to present,

“Your castle is not destroyed”, I whispered at the kid with pleasant.

“Waves took it to build a beautiful palace under the sea,

As I saw the castle just now, one fine day you will also see”.

I got the smile I missed and I got the castle I lost,

I named the castle with love and I wish the dreams frost,

I wish the words on this paper,

Spread the love across forever.

A perpetual hug with a panic silence

I am not sure if I should like the movie – Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai Diaries). Probably this movie is perfect and I don’t like perfection. Whatever it is, this is not a movie review. It is something else, so hang on.

An easy life - full of freedom – lot many chances to commit mistakes – repeat mistakes – enough space to learn - observe trivial stuff - kill time - don’t live for society – but society recognizes… What else you want?

Aamir Khan was a common actor. Like any other actor, he targeted audience with stereotypic loves-lusts-fights stories. But at some point of time, he stopped soothing society. Alternatively, he showed a new dimension towards art-but-no-art movies, or say rare-breed movies. If he did not compromise with those stereotype movies, he wouldn’t have succeeded and never got chance to make countertype movies. People may not have accepted both - movies and Aamir Khan.

Equally reputed actors don’t have this dissolution towards commercial movies. They are not ready to experiment. It needs guts and Aamir Khan has it. ‘Success is relative; it’s just a state of mind’. Success is not something society awards to individual. Instead success is something individual makes society to accept their actions.

Most of the people earn money for the sake of society. They get into loop of competition/ comparison and stay there forever. Handful of folks earns money to keep it as base for their passions. Being ignorant towards money and society is not easy, people are lame ahh…

‘Going deep takes us to VOID’. At the end we may not be sure, was it really worth to go that deep. Whatever we professed may be totally in vain and same with life. It is so simple and straight-forward, but still nobody takes life for granted.

Dhobi Ghat (Mumbai diaries) made me think philosophical. Arun is idiosyncratic character. Shai always feels from heart. Munna is innocent and never tried understanding world. Yasmin is one among commoners who are victims in general. Innocence is portrayed in each of these characters.

But none of these characters are my favorite. I liked the 5th character at most, ‘Mumbai’ personified as old-idle-lady sitting on the chair thro’ out the movie. May be you won’t accept this personification, but it doesn’t matter to me. She is awesome, just an observer, never involves in anything. People ooze their sorrows, plead, threaten, cry, laugh, scream and stir their emotions with the character. Fortunately “the character never responds and never reacts, but always accommodates”.

Workaholic as a saving spree

Cubicle Coma – It’s an urban dictionary word. It means ‘you wake up and stay energized but as soon as you enter the work place, a wave of exhaustion runs over you and you suffer from weariness. Amazingly, once you leave the hellish work atmosphere, you suddenly feel energized and you will be back to comfort posture.’

During our college days, we said ‘I can’t imagine of going to office every day. Life sucks if I see myself as professional’. When we joined software industry, the common talk was ‘I don’t want to continue with this industry. I will do MS or MBA abroad and will quit’.

After one year in software industry, we convinced ourselves, ‘Work is part of life. Nobody can avoid it’. However, when our managers got frustrated during some software breakdowns, few of us yelled back ‘relax, you can’t scream at me if this bloody software doesn’t work, who cares?’. But after 4-5 years in the industry, today we feel ‘I need to go up in career and designations’.

Somehow, till now I am managing my days by not giving priority to office-work. But few times I loose control and I make profit to the company :P. Now-a-days I started feeling, ‘this work-life is never-ending as well as pain-stacking’. Cubicle coma haunts me many-a-times. Cubicle coma throws me into depression if I sit continuously for 2-3 hours in my work station. It is an endemic disease confined to computer engineers. It is an epidemic disease spreading maliciously ghosting the brains.

Really, why do we work? Topmost reason is money. We earn money to save. By default, we are Saving Sprees (meaning, Individuals determined to live according to a carefully planned out budget that would minimize spending to increase on savings).

Deep in my heart, this is what I feel. I want money. I am here to do anything for money. Motive is not to save all the moolah. Rather, spend it and experience the elite fun of the up-class society. I don’t mind respect-disrespect, good-ungood, future-unfutured ways of earning money. All izz well till I am filthy rich and exchange the moolah for entertainment.

However in reality, brain’s thinking is stronger than heart’s feeling. Though I spend a part of earnings, I save the rest. To an extent, I am concerned about future as well. I don’t have to be, but I am. Will I ever come out of this trauma of savings?

One extreme is work – I hate it, I get depressed if I work long. But if I don’t work, I won’t get money. Another extreme is savings – I do it because everybody else does it. If I spend and others save and later if I realize my spending as a mistake, where do I stand?

I thought a lot about influence of work-money on my life and remolded my way of living. This is what I am since last few years. I am neither workaholic nor lazy bum. But definitely I suffer from cubicle coma all-the-time. I am neither spend-thrift nor saving spree. But mostly inclined towards spend thrift’s edge. Now the question is, is there any perfect urban word for me like individuals?

Whatever the word is… prone to cubicle coma is disgraceful. Being workaholic is something awkward. Being saving spree is sick. And being both workaholic and saving spree is something awkwardicilious and sickadocious, better die.

It is awesome if we are able to come out of cubicle coma haunt and say ourselves that, “I am neither workaholic nor saving spree. However, I work to survive and to be fit in the industry. I save a part of earnings so that I won’t repent later for lavish spending. At the same time, I have funtainment at work and experiment eclectic luxuries at the cost of money”. How to implement this level of satisfactory life style? Answer is, GURUit. Check out the explanation at http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=GURUit

God, “I don’t want to work in vain,
And I don’t want to save with pain,
Give me some sunshine, give me some rain,
Give me another chance, wanna chillax once again”.

Walking Together

The day we met, never knew how fate could destine us,

I just thought you can be a good friend…

...As days passed,Though I realized its lot more than friendship,

I assumed there is nothing much…

...Dreaming of walking together, I always feared the path I have to walk,

Though I always wanted to be with you…

...As life moved on, I met new people and felt life is lot more than you,

May be I didn’t know ‘my life lies in you’…

...In mid of accomplishing dreams, I thought I need to stay alone,

I didn’t understood being with you is my only dream…

...While building the relationships, I learnt that I moved too far, really far,

And I realized I hurt you many-a-times…

...From the past-2-present, for all Ups-n-Downs or say, for all Goods-n-Bads,

I just wish to whisper ‘Forgive-n-Forget’ all the ‘Downs-n-Bads’…

...NOW, as the days sail, When the dreams are turning true,

I want to spirit the desire on you which lies beneath-the-bosom…

...NOW to FOREVER, I just want to be in your arms,

I want to love and want to be loved…

...Dreaming of walking together, I crave to walk with your rhythm,

I crave to step as you sing…

...The day you leave me alone in this world, My dreams die, My hopes vanish,

Rather I die, Or we shall walk together all the way…

- Guru

Best deal

People fight for their lives and earn money. They crave to save money for their family and children. But what if the complete hard earned money weirdly goes into a stranger’s hands and the whole efforts turns out to be meaningless?

There is lady in my native in her 50s. She is my mom's friend. She was born and brought up in a poor family where she fought for survival. She is not even blessed with beauty. At the right age, she didn’t get marry. Around 12 years back, when she was in her early 40s, she ended up marrying a rich widower and moved to my native.

The widower was filthy rich and all his fortune was of his father-in-law. He didn’t have any children. After the death of his wife, he married this lady. Both led decent family life for 10-12 years. Since last 1-2 years, his health was totally upset. When conditions turned hard and doctors confirmed his last days, the lady brought a guy into her home and declared him as her cousin brother who came to take care of her husband. Everybody in the town trusted as she was good in character. This cousin brother is a divorcee and has 2 children studying in school.

Last year, the husband died and she became the whole and sole proprietor for billions of rupees worth property. After a decent break, for everybody’s surprise, she married the so-called cousin brother and started family life in the same house. With hell lots of efforts, she convinced relatives/ people around her and managed to be the part of community. The hard earned money of a 1^st wife’s father, which went into the hands of son-in-law, is serving as fortune for an unknown couple in their old age.

And the best part is, this couple adopted a baby girl few months back. She supports her act with a sound. "Life is meaningless without children. But we both are old and can't have children on our own. So we decided to adopt a baby. Now if we adopt baby boy, we have to take care of him for next 25 years. Instead, we can adopt a baby girl and get her married in next 18-19 years and come out of our responsibilities soon".

Anyways, I was not able to stop thinking about this baby girl. How lucky is she? Was she born orphan, just to be the part of this drama?

The hard earned money of Person 'A' went into the hands of his son-in-law ‘B’ which later served an unknown lady 'C'. The lady 'C' went for the 2nd marriage with a divorcee guy 'D' who abandoned his first wife and the children. This ‘C’ & ‘D couple adopted a baby girl 'E'. Now the whole property is waiting at the feet of this baby girl. The baby girl will not even know the name of the person who earned this much money for her. Rather, she won't even believe her ‘so-called-parents’ story !!!

This is the best deal done by the fate with hell lot of negotiations between unrelated people and inter-connecting them.

I don’t know about the guy who earned this much money. I don’t know how much serious was he and the ways he struggled for every penny. But I learnt one thing. There is no point in fighting for every penny and withhold our desires all the time, when we don’t know for whom we are earning.

Indecent Blog

Disclaimer 1: It may seem indecent for few. Please stop reading if you cannot accept this as a joke.
Disclaimer 2: This disclaimer is dedicated to hero (Romeo) of this story – “I hope you won't read this blog at any point of time as we are hardly in touch with each other. But if at all you end up reading this blog, don't feel bad. We all moved on and I know you are good enough. I am not making fun of you. Rather, the accidental incidents happened created this scene” :)

Incident: Last month when I visited India, we – college buddies (Me, Sukesh, Girish, Nandish & Kiran) - met in Bangalore Central mall. After chillaxing for 2-3 hrs, we planned to stay overnight at Maddur Coffee day on Bangalore-Mysore highway. On the way, we got down at some local dhaba for dinner. Our group has one bad habit. Whenever we meet, we go crazy few times and we call any of our college friends with whom we didn’t have healthy relationship. We speak to them sarcastically, we rip them off and few times we end up taunting them too. I know this is weird and wrong.

In dhaba we were exchanging memorable incidents during college days. Gradually the topic moved on to Romeo. He was a good friend of us. But he never succeeded to be one among us because of his own ideologies. During first 3 years of college, he acted like saint and preached us not to roam with any girl and all. He was like papa who restricted our moves, ‘don’t do this, don’t do that’ But during 4th year of college, the things changed so weird. He became close to one girl and he declared it as ‘brotherly relationship’. After few months this brotherly affection turned out to be love !!!

Well, it was almost 12.30 midnight and we called Romeo. He didn’t pick up the call. Next time we called him, the Airtel voice mail said “The mobile phone you are trying to reach is out of network coverage area. Please try again later”. After a while, the phone rang and he didn’t pick up. This repeated for sometime. Finally we sent a message to his girl friend “Guru here, me in India, wanna speak 2 ur boy, send his new no. if any”. We didn’t get any reply. But next time when I called him, he picked the call.

I don’t know if you can understand what I am trying to convey. At night 1’O clock, EITHER guy is not picking up the call OR his mobile is out of coverage area repeatedly. But one text message to his GF made him to pick the call :P

We spoke on loud speaker and acted like real pain in a**. At last Kiran dropped one awesome double meaning joke. It was too vulgar. He said “Dude, looks like you were busy doing something and we disturbed you. Between, something is happening with your mobile. It is going in and coming out of the network coverage area repeatedly… In and Out, In and Out… Don’t keep your mobile in OUT-OF-NETWORK area and take it out so often. Mobile may stop working forever”

We all stared at Kiran and there was a panic silence for few seconds. But we couldn’t control our laugh anymore. All 5 of us busted laughing atleast for 1-2 mins with weird sounds. Romeo got really pissed off. He just said ‘BYE’ and hung up the call.

An embarrassing experience in a gift shop

Since 3 days my manager was pestering me to buy some gift for Shiva’s Birthday. On 3^rd October, after a late wake up on the weekend, I was just chilling out in my room. It was 7 PM in the evening and my manager called me ‘Shiva is coming to Abu Dhabi tomorrow and I know you haven't brought any gift still. We have to give something for his birthday. Don't forget to buy'. She asked me not to forget 3 times. Like any other normal bastard son, I cursed her for being pain in ass just for a gift.

I went to a gift shop in a near by mall. I walked aimlessly through out the shop atleast 4 times in search of a damn gift, but couldn't find any. I realized 'A guy buying not-too-costly gifts for birthday like silly things for another guy is really tough task'… Finally a pair of cute WINE GLASSES bewitched me. On spot I fancied a happening scene in my mind. Anyway he is getting married shortly and it will be romantic for the couple to dress up in tender WHITE attire and drink RED WINE in YELLOW stemmed glasses - sitting on the rustic wooden chairs with an aesthetically carved table under dim GREEN light with a pleasant fragrance of the perfume with soft soothing music in a cute n cozy studio apartment… Woh… Without any second thoughts I grabbed the pair of glasses and moved towards Greeting Card Section.

I was searching for some specific card but I didn't know what was that 'specific'!!! There were various sections - Father's Bday, Aunt’s Bday, Farewell cards, Get Well Soon cards etc etc... Suddenly a weird thing flashed in my mind and I was excited. There was a Filipino girl at the cash counter and an Arab lady checking some gifts. I slowly walked towards the counter and approached her in lower tone 'hmmmm by any luck, do you have some greeting card given to a guy for his last bachelor birthday...'

Suddenly I felt it was not making sense to ask such a card. I never saw such card till date. Even the girl stood dumb. The lady beside us stared at us. All 3 of us were silent for 40-50 seconds. Slowly, with a naughty smile the girl repeated my words with long pauses 'Last... Bachelor... Birthday... Card…… for a guy?'.Then she said 'no sir, we don't have any such cards'.

Why did I feel weird all of a sudden? Why did they give strange pauses/ staring? Was that too specific? Should I blame my manager for being the root cause? Or is this not weird at all? I slowly moved to left and picked up one decent card - 'Belated Birthday Wishes' card.

Just to boost my spirit and show her I am still in game, I told her, 'I think you should recommend the company to produce cards for Last Bachelor Birthday' :)

This time she was smart and replied instantly, 'Sir, by the time you get marry, I don't think any of your friends will give you Birthday card. It’s nice to see you'.There was THE WEIRD smile hidden in her reply.

I just walked out of the store without any word with a pretentious grin!!!

Whatever it is, I heard of bachelor party, bachelor hangouts, bachelor gifts etc... But this 'last Bachelor year Birthday card' is quite different :P

What do you live for?

We rarely question ‘what do we live for?’ And most of us can’t find convincing answer. Straight away I will rule out the possibility of the answer ‘my essence of the life is my family’. Atleast for we guyz in unmarried 20s (as Shreya quotes in the movie Lets Enjoy), parents love is something like ‘we can’t live with it and we can’t live without it’ :P

The other 5 core passions which make us to lead life could be
1. Achievement in career
2. Money and Status
3. Live for you, Live for passion
4. Love and Friendship
5. Explore and Experience
Believe me folks, till now if you never thought what you are living for and if you just want to compete with others in terms of your qualification and routine job, better commit suicide. If you don’t compete, another jack ass is there to compete and over take. :P

1. I don’t know why world is so much behind the achievement and the career. I never get excited if something good happens in my professional career. One thing is true, every damn person struggles for betterment of career and you may go unnoticed after your arduous efforts as everybody dies to achieve.

2. Money and Status is something where I am stuck with. I don’t mind status but money matters a lot. I feel weird about Indians when it comes to money. As per my experience with many other nationalities, for most of them money is not meant for saving. Instead they see money as mode of comfort. They earn money to lead quality life. But we Indians earn money to save; we compromise quality of life for the sake of saving. I want to earn money just for 2 reasons:
- To spend money I need to earn money. I want to go wherever I dream, buy whatever I wish and do whatever I want.
- For the sake of fellow Indians – Whether we agree or not, we blindly judge any person based on money he/ she has. We have this attitude in our veins. This is the most depressing factor with Indians. Most of you say ‘no, no, no, I am not like this’…… But it is ‘yes, yes, yes, we are like this’……

3. Living for you is something awesome. If you have some passion, say art or music and if you can lead your life comfortably with that passion, that is something perfect. I envy people who earn money with passion as their investment. For eg: Musicians, artists etc. The biggest odd in my life is ‘I am engineer’. I can never stay happy till I work in some office sitting 8-9 hours per day and doing some crazy technical stuff :(

4. Love and Friendship – Keeping primary essence as ‘relationship’ and finding happiness in expressing - experiencing the closeness is awesome. How many of us really-really have best friend whom we trust without any second thought? How many of us can confidently say 'she is my perfect love and I trust her'? I bet 99% of us don’t have ‘friends/ love for life’. We show-off our life styles, we lie to maintain exaggerated status; we try to hide feelings for the sake of ego.

5. The last one is ‘exploring and experiencing’. May be we don’t have born passions or talents. But there are many worldly things which attract us, like – roaming countries, understanding various cultures, having very good hobbies. But most of us restrict ourselves thinking we may loose track in life and we may get screwed up in terms of time and money.

Whatever it is, life is not that serious. I feel my life is precious and in the same way, you feel your life is precious. But at the end of the day, none of us are special. Nobody really achieves anything great. We don’t know what life is after death, we don’t know what life was before birth. We don’t know what is good or what is bad.

Some ancestors set good – bad, right – wrong, meaningful - meaningless and we blindly follow the same. People say ‘praying god is good, scolding god is bad… saving money is good, wasting time is bad'… But as per me ‘being too serious in life is bad, turning off our passions for the sake of money is bad, hurting others with our attitude is bad’. Except these, everything else is good in this random-unidentified world’

Virtual - Reality

I wrote this short story long time back, may be 5-6 years back…. Writing 100 appealing blogs/ scripts is not a big deal as of today. But writing one page of something during that age was really tough !!!

New York, 17 years back:

Shelly arranged her brother - Philips’ birthday party and the whole bunch of friends gathered. During the party time, Harry teased Shelly: ’Aye drunkard daughter here…’ Within few moments the situation turned serious. Philips and Harry got involved into serious fight. At last Harry laid on the ground. One of spectator uttered ’I think he is dead, patrol will arrive here anytime. Philips shivered.

Shelly was frightened and asked her brother to run away from the place. Philips took the beautiful painting presented by Shelly and he fled away from home.Within few days his mother fell sick and within a short span she passed away. Father spent all his time drinking and one day he disappeared from the home. Shelly was put into an orphanage.

1 year back:

Shelly was a docile young lady with pleasant smile. Her charming eyes, chubby cheeks and her lofty swagger spell bounded the lads’ hearts.She had a boy friend by name Sam Stanford. He was handsome and was enamored towards Shelly. He felt, her company was a warmth memento for him. He was madly in love with her. They were in love with each other and at last got married.

Present day:

Sam exchanged a routine hug with Shelly and went office. Shelly murmured ’you are handsome’. She smiled at him and locked the door. She finished her mundane stuff. Since long time, she was curious to see the unused things kept at the top in her room. She started exploring her room………..

4.30 PM:

There was a attractive gunny bag present in mid of many unused items. Shelly took the gunny bag in her hand and uncovered it. Her eyes were curious to see what was there in it. A wonderful painting and a manila folder, she unfolded. It read:

‘Dear mom and Shelly, I am sorry. I made a huge mistake running away from home. After few months I returned back and no body was there. At last it was my destiny that Mr. Tenor Stanford adopted me as his son and I got reincarnation.

Shelly, this gift of yours is my life. Whenever I see this wonderful painting, I become unfathomable. My insurrection emotions injure my mind. It is hard to remember that particular evil day. So I am deciding not to see this anymore thro’ out my life. Sorry Shelly, I adore you’.

Yours lovingly

Philips

(Sam Stanford)

The golden sun suddenly turned into a fire ball and Shelly held it in her hands. The whole world appeared black and empty. She was put into the horns of dilemma. She moved against her beliefs. She searched for the asylum. It was incredulous. She couldn’t understand whether to accept her dear Sam as lovely husband or as sincere brother.

Her heart murmured: ’Sam is your dear. He can't be Philips’.

The mind whispered: ’You cannot keep the truth in your heart for your heart’.

The door bell rang - Tran Tran…….

She remained as don-Quixote. She had affection in her mind and love in her heart. She boosted her ego. Yeah......… she decided.......... She opened the door.

Sam: ’Hello darling’.

She was dumb. She decided to tell the fact. She stepped front and hugged him. She cried.

Sam: ’What happened?’

Shelly: ’Nothing dear, I just had a bad dream’.

My incompetent way of living :( :( :(

This write up looks funny or say nonsensical, but there are many serious thoughts hidden. Although thoughts are serious, we end up making 'fun of seriousness'. I will take a color print of this page, stick it to all the walls of my apartment including toilet. I will try to get inspired (rather feel humiliated) and will try to accomplish atleast 1 out of 1000 things I plan.

Yesterday I and Shiva went gym after long time. We took 2 long weeks to pull our ass to the doorsteps of gym. Neither of us had courage to step into the gym alone, as we were not ready to face surprise gestures and sarcastic smiles. This is our 6th season in span of 10 months, hehehe. Today Shiva came up with some new rule. If either of us bunk the gym we should pay 10 dhs (135 Rs) to the other. But his voice was shivering when he told the plan and I was afraid of loosing money quite often :D

Last time when we went gym - one Arabic guy greeted us 'oh you are back... Great'. The word 'Great' was really chagrining. Another Filipino guy grinned dimly which conveyed 'oh guys, I never seen you like jerks in my life'. Once a elderly man introduced me to his frend 'Hey this is Guru from Bangalore, He comes to the same gym where I go...'. With a small pause he continued '....but very rarely' and he laughed as if he never had fun since he is born..... Saala budda :(

Every evening before we leave office, either of us will go to other's work desk. We approach in lower tone 'so, do you want to goto gym today?'. The approacher's eyes will be filled with desire, curiosity and will be just craving to listen 'no' from the other.

I never accomplished anything in my life. I never think about appraisal because I am neither money-minded nor performance-oriented. I never eat Roti, Naan or Kulcha because it is difficult to chew. I don't work continuously for 1 hr anytime because I feel I am taking life too serious :( :( :( I can't think too much because my brains will start weighing heavy and I can't bare it. In the below link, read the comments in red box wrote by 'Landi' in the upper middle of the page :)
http://social.answers.microsoft.com/Forums/en-US/vistahardware/thread/720108ee-0a9c-4090-b62d-bbd5cb1a7605

Sometimes I feel like committing suicide by hanging to a fan. But I may loose interest before I tie the rope. So if I really want to kill myself, then any of my friend should tie the rope and keep the chair beneath. Later I may stand on the chair and would say 'please hang the rope to my neck and tighten it up dude. I will be grateful to you'. Before he slaps me, I will add 'Dood, please push the chair aside once you tighten it. Or else I won't die' !!!

Anyways, maximize the image and choose a word you are best suited with. It has both -ve and +ve words which revolves around 'stupid'. Initially I thought I am 'jerk', but seeing my incompetent way of living, now I stand myself with the word 'crack brained'. And I vote Shiva with the word 'dopey' because he is slightly better than me and hence less intensified word than 'crack brained'.

Whatever I am, this game of tracking +ve and -ve counts stimulates me whenever I feel satisfied/ unsatisfied with my way of doing things.

Matured Piece of Shit - MPS

I don't have anything to write. But I don't want blog count to appear as '0' beside 'June' in left frame of the window, it should be atleast '1'. I know you are laughing @ me thinking I am immature. But have you ever thought what ‘maturity’ is?

Today I feel X as ‘reality’. After few days/ months I feel Y as ‘reality’. The difference between X and Y (X-Y), I term it as 'Maturity' and feel happy for a moment. Unfortunately some other person will show Z as ‘reality’. At that moment I will conclude that the time period X-Y was 'Immaturity' and I will start chasing Z. The cycle repeats!!! So what actually is maturity'? It is the 'Illusions of individual momentary perceptions' !!!

Now go back to the first 2 sentences of this blog and read those lines again. I am sure, now you are not laughing. You are thinking serious as if some meaning exists, but unfortunately, there is nothing as such, same bullshit.

Relax, I am just trying to convey something out of nothing but still it meant everything for me. I don't know what you understood. Don't throw stones @ me like a mad fellow if you are hassled.

With Love

Thanx to my chap - Manjesh who doled out idea of conveying meaningful message in one sentence. Concentrate on the tense of verbs, it will definitely convey the meaning intended.

She was neither most beautiful nor exceptionally best instead she knew how to express love and how to stand beside me every mo, though I was the reason for all fights we had due to my inability of expressing love she always compromised by heart, anyhow whatever my external gestures could be, our inner selves knew the fondness we had as we were madly in love with each other, she was the essence of my love who made me feel my existence and showed me how good I can be for someone and in short, life wouldn't be so beautiful without her because all she knew was to dream about 'us' and not about 'her' alone, however, destiny was jealous on our affection and showed it's envy in the form of fatal accident in which my aroha ended her life and I couldn’t come out of the scarred face I saw in the hospital, I loved her not for what she was but for what I was when I was with her but now she left me mercilessly on this damn earth and I am crying aimlessly again and again because nothing else I can do and moreover I am not the person who get excited if space ship lands on mars instead I get excited if my hearty friend tells he/ she is happy, all I want is my love and handful of beloved friends with whom I express – experience - enjoy the affection and I am very specific in these due to which I decided to kill myself and now when I am swallowing the poison, I am hearing a cute voice singing in familiar low tone and I am surprised – confused – scared when I understood that it is my better half's voice, I couldn’t believe that she is still alive and now she is kissing my forehead, holy shit, it was 6 in the morning and the dream drove my nuts crazy, besides I re-realized the importance of her, I kissed her passionately, hugged and begged her not to leave me alone anytime, she was anxious as I was bestowing intensified love and took me on her lap and asked me to take a nap after which the non-stop ring from my friend woke me up, nonetheless, this time nobody was around, I realized that I don’t have any girl in my life yet and I tried to smile but I couldn’t, the weird dream-inside-dream haunted me and finally I was left with a question: we always forget ‘today’ in the attempt of catching ‘tomorrow’ but what if ‘tomorrow never comes’ in the way we wish?, we do not express our feelings with the loved ones just to show ourselves unaffected but there is a beautiful life beyond this unaffected way of living where we can express affection and experience the same ahhhh at last I grinned at myself when I saw me in the mirror with tooth brush in my mouth, ufffff few dreams should never turn true and this particular one should never – ever turn true.

Bachelor desires – Wanna toss a tail

'Sex on the beach is like cocktail, you MORON...' My thoughts gave a pause when I read these words on my friend's blog. A female software Engineer in Aditi Technologies - Bangalore hollered him as 'moron' while expressing her previous day's memories on beach. This is really indigestible for guys, that too when heard from a girl.

After reading that blog, I understood my coevals are much ahead than me. I am the jack-a** lagging behind in enjoyment sector of life. To make myself available in this category I should really do some ‘real partying’. Now-a-days every party has a numb reason. It could be any of my friends’ salary hike or some job shift or some sister's marriage or some lame happiness.

But now I/ we found one e-special reason to fete ON THE ROCKS I.e., 'BACHELORs PARTY'. We 3 NRIs and 1 Indian are planning to do some MAGIC and RRRrrrRRRock on Thailand - The paradise for bachelors.

Shiva (NRI) – Already geared up with a girl – oops sorry 'the girl'.
Singvi (NRI) – just hair-line distance behind Shiva and is under rigorous hunt.
Guru (NRI) - I am still newbie in the process {Again fresher :( }
Prashant (Indian) – still 'child' in these stuff or say still unripened :P

Trip Details:
1. Trip Date: April 22nd till 26th.

2. Destination: Thailand – Pattaya, Phuket, Bangkok

3. Meet-Up Plan: Ex-Indians fly from Abu Dhabi to Bangkok. Mr.Indian will fly from Bangalore to Bangkok.
4. Trip Slogan: 'Experience Hot, if not atleast Warmth' – Heuristic approach

5. Trip Dedicated to: All our ex-girlfriends, ex-ex-girlfriends, ex-ex-ex girlfriends if any, girls who rejected our proposals and for the girls whom we rejected lavishly.
6. Desire Genera (Type): 'Hombres Luxuria' (Bachelors desires)

7. Best planners in team: Singvi and Shiva. Sense or non-sense – at least they initiate some plans.
8. Waste Fellas in team: Me and Prashant. We don't invest our brains on planning. Moreover we are not sure if we have brains to invest!!

9. Inspired by: *Ted Mosby's Bachelor party* episode, How I met your mother series, Season 3. ****LEGANDARY**** I don't know who will manifest as Barney Stinson among us.
10. Trip plans: W%$* T%# F^&@

11. Deliverables @ the end of trip: Photos and Videos of hot chiks & of even hens & grand-hen, we never mind!!

Affidavit:
The god of desires,
Balzeebub (Master of Hell) inside us is dead.

We the stupid 4 Bachelors - basically from India, hardly enjoyed our lives compared to any average American or Briton. Through out our lives whenever we tossed 1 Rupee coin, all the time we ended up seeing 'Heads'. We never experienced 'Tails' till now. Hope you understand our condition :( :( :(

But now, due to our age constraint (as per rituals department called 'parents') we are on the edge of jumping into relationship called commitment (or say marriage, 'why shy?') before which we really want to toss 'Tails' once. This is our 'Now or Never' mission. Please forgive all our WTF pranks we committed and give us a chance to realize our desires.

Last plea, till the moment we enter Thailand, please please please don't make us to interact with any damn girl in this universe and don't make us to intake those words '........., you MORON'. Thanx in advance.

HAPPY BACHELORS PARTY. CHEERS !!!

Regards,
4 Hombres

-Wanna drive the nuts crazy-